When flat lasts past a fortnight
A bad day is a bad day. Two weeks of bad days, where work, sleep and her all feel out of reach, is something else.
Fathers get antenatal depression. So do other non-birthing parents. The culture still talks as if the mood lives only in the pregnant body.
It does not. Pregnancy and a new baby stir deep, unexpected feeling in the person who is not giving birth. Feeling flat, down or irritable for a stretch is common.
The line Raising Children draws is practical. Emotional, physical, thinking or behaviour changes that last longer than two weeks, and that get in the way of daily life, can be depression.
Before the birth, the name is antenatal depression. After the birth, postnatal. The signs match.
The treatment matches. Only the clock changes. You will also hear perinatal, which just means around the birth.
Check four places, not one mood.
Emotions
sad, guilty, ashamed, irritable, anxious, angry, isolated, or the old pleasures gone flat.
Body
tired in a way sleep does not fix, sleeping far too much or hardly at all, eating nothing or eating the house, weight moving.
Thinking
you cannot concentrate or remember, decisions stall, ordinary tasks stall, the sentence in your head is that you cannot do this. Sometimes the thoughts go to death or suicide.
Behaviour
sex drops away, you vanish into work or away from family, you get aggressive, or drink and drugs become the way you carry the change.
Anxiety often comes with it. Racing heart. Worry that will not shut up. Restlessness.
Get help early
Do not wait for a rock bottom you can point at. Early help is the point. The first step on the page is your GP.
They sort which service fits. Also tell her, and tell someone in the family or a friend, even if the words are clumsy. PANDA is 1300 726 306.
MensLine is 1300 789 978. ForWhen is 1300 242 322. A community health centre can be the local door.
If you are thinking about hurting yourself or your family, that is urgent. GP, or Lifeline on 131 114. If someone's life is in immediate danger, call 000 or go to emergency.
If she is depressed too
There is a second job, and it is easy to skip because you are busy watching her. If she has antenatal or postnatal depression, you are more likely to develop it too. Looking after yourself is not a luxury next to her care.
It is how you stay able to help. Encourage her to a GP, midwife, or child and family health nurse. The relationship can feel thinner.
Less affection, less friendship, less sex. That is common, and it is grim. Your steadiness still matters.
It is not a substitute for her getting her own professional help.
You can love the baby and still be depressed. The love does not cancel the illness. The appointment does more than another week of coping.
Source: Raising Children Network