Your half of the months.
Appointments, scans, the bag, the class, and the talk about who does what when the baby is here. Birth sits at the end of this page, so you are not hunting for it.
Start here
When she tells you
You do not have to feel one clean thing. If you are waiting on a scan before you celebrate, say that, or she will hear your quiet as a no.
The stress you think she cannot see
If money, work or the sheer amount to learn is sitting on your chest, say the actual thing. A drink or a cigarette as the pressure valve makes the next argument worse, not smaller.
When flat lasts past a fortnight
Feeling flat, down or snappy in pregnancy is common for fathers. If it lasts more than two weeks and it is wrecking ordinary days, that can be antenatal depression, and the first call is your GP.
Go to the appointments
The first move after a positive test is a GP visit, not a cot. Write her questions down between visits or they vanish in the waiting room.
The scans, and the bloods
Expect at least two routine ultrasounds, around 11 to 13 weeks and again around 18 to 20. You do not have to pretend a result is nothing if the room goes quiet.
When food will not stay down
Morning sickness is not only mornings, and it is common. If she cannot keep food or fluid down, or there is blood in the vomit, she needs a midwife or doctor now, not a cracker strategy.
If the kicks change
From 24 weeks, a quiet baby for a few hours while she is awake is a phone call, not a wait until morning. Movements do not politely stop because labour is near.
Her walk, not a boot camp
If the pregnancy is uncomplicated, the target on the page is at least two and a half hours of moderate movement a week. You can take the long way with her, and you do not sign her up for a contact sport.
No safe round
If you are trying, or she is pregnant, the safest line is no alcohol for her. There is no safe level in pregnancy, and some drinks labelled zero still have a little in them, so read the label.
Smoke and vape, including yours
If you smoke or vape, the baby still gets it from what you breathe out and from what sits on your clothes. Quitline is 137 848, and until you stop, do it outside, never in the car, and wash up after.
The trolley is your job
You can still buy the food she is not allergic to, including peanuts and eggs. The traps are chilled ready-to-eat food, soft cheese, raw egg, undercooked meat, and fish like swordfish, flake and marlin.
When you do not wait
Less movement, a blow to her belly, heavy pain, bleeding, a headache that will not quit, sudden swelling or blurred vision means you call the midwife, doctor or hospital now. healthdirect is 1800 022 222, and if it is an emergency, call 000.
Book the class before it fills
Antenatal classes are for you as well, not a women-only club you drop her at. Go, ask the dumb question, and book early because the useful ones fill.
Your half of the bag
Pack around 32 weeks, not when the contractions are already timing themselves. Your bits are snacks, clothes, a charger, petrol, the night entrance, and a rear-facing car seat for the trip home.
What she wants from you in the room
Ask now whether she wants encouragement, silence, a hand, or a count of breaths. If a midwife suggests something unplanned and it is not an emergency, you ask for a moment so she can consent.
Say the jobs out loud
Before the baby, agree who does baths, nights, cooking and bills, and what going back to work means. If you are arguing more, dodging the talk, or feeling cut off, get help while you can still finish a sentence.
Read
When she tells you
The stress you think she cannot see
When flat lasts past a fortnight
Go to the appointments
The scans, and the bloods
When food will not stay down
If the kicks change
Her walk, not a boot camp
No safe round
Smoke and vape, including yours
The trolley is your job
When you do not wait
Book the class before it fills
Your half of the bag
What she wants from you in the room
Say the jobs out loud
Birth
Labour signs, pain relief, who stays, caesarean, first hours.
When you actually leave
Call for contractions that last a minute or more, come regularly, and are getting stronger and closer. If it might be labour before 37 weeks, or the waters go, call even if contractions have not started.
Pain relief, said in advance
Ask in pregnancy, not between contractions, what this hospital actually offers. Breathing, heat, massage, water, movement and a TENS machine sit next to gas, morphine and an epidural, and birth centre lists are shorter.
Who is allowed in the room
Continuous, calm support helps labour along and makes interventions less likely, while a crowd can slow it. Ask how many people the room allows, because two is often the comfortable maximum, and your food is your problem.
If it becomes a caesarean
The cut is about 10 cm, and once the anaesthetic is working she may feel tugging, not pain. You can usually stay for a spinal or epidural, you ask if she cannot, and skin to skin can still happen, including on you.
Planned or unplanned
A planned caesarean can be for a medical reason, a sign that vaginal birth looks risky, or a personal choice. An unplanned one is for a problem in labour, and neither needs your hot take in the corridor.
The first hour is not for visitors
If she and the baby are well, skin to skin with her in that first hour helps warmth, heart rate, breathing, blood sugar, protective bacteria, bonding and feeding. Your hand on the baby is enough, so tell the family to wait.