The stress you think she cannot see
You can look fine at work and still be grinding your teeth in the car. Pregnancy does that. The changes do not queue.
They arrive in a pile: money, the roster, a fight that was already there, family with opinions and no night shifts. On top of that, the list of things you do not know about a newborn, and the sense that the small life you still have is about to get smaller.
Raising Children treats that pile as a normal reason to feel stressed. It does not treat the stress as private if it is spilling.
Here is the bit men miss. You can believe you are handling it. She can still feel it.
Too much stress makes you irritable and tense. You argue more. If the way you cope is a drink, a smoke, or something else, you will often use more, not less.
That adds another fight. Then her stress rises with yours. A lot of stress on a pregnant woman can affect the baby's health and development, before birth and after.
Your head is not sealed off from hers.
So deal with the thing, not the mood. Say what is actually pressing. If it is money, that is a clean sentence.
Ask a parent who has already done the first year how they stretched it. Check what government parenting payments you can get once the baby is here. Information beats another night of staring at the ceiling.
Eat properly. Move. Rest.
Keep something you like, or the weeks turn into a grey slog. Cigarettes and extra caffeine wind you up. Alcohol drops you and then the problem is still there in the morning.
None of those are a plan.
Some of the stress is just not knowing. That one shrinks if you learn the next month instead of the whole of parenthood. Read about newborns.
Talk to a mate who is in it. Go to antenatal classes, including a breastfeeding class if she wants one, in the room or online. You will still be surprised.
You will be less ambushed.
When you need help
If you are not coping, or you are getting upset or angry with her or with other people, get help before it runs the house. Your GP. Lifeline on 131 114. MensLine on 1300 789 978.
If anger turns ugly
And a hard line, because the page draws it. For some people stress turns into anger, and anger turns into violence in pregnancy. That is never acceptable.
If that is where you are, you need a professional, not a promise to yourself. 1800RESPECT is 1800 737 732. You can text 0458 737 732.
No to Violence, the men's referral service, is 1300 766 491. Call before the next bad night, not after.
You do not have to feel calm to be useful. You have to stop pretending the stress is only yours.
Source: Raising Children Network