The tantrum is not a debate
They lose it in the fruit aisle and you feel every adult in the shop watching. Let them watch. Your job is the child on the floor, not the audience.
Tantrums are common from about 1 to 3. Raising Children is plain about why. Language, social skill and emotional control are still early.
They cannot always say what they need, including the need to do the thing themselves, so frustration comes out sideways. They are also learning that behaviour moves other people. A tantrum is one of the tools they have.
It can look huge. Screaming, rigid limbs, an arched back, kicking, falling, flailing, running. Sometimes breath-holding, vomiting, breaking things, or hurting themselves or you.
Huge is still not a reason to match it.
What loads the gun is ordinary. Temperament, some kids spike faster. Hunger, tiredness, too much noise and light.
A situation they cannot handle, like a bigger child taking the toy. Fear, shame, anger. Self-regulation starts around 12 months and gets better slowly.
Fewer tantrums later is development, not a trick you missed.
You can make them less likely without pretending you can delete them. Name feelings from the start. Happy, sad, cross, tired, hungry.
Learn the trigger and dodge it. Shops after a nap and some food, not before. When they handle a wobble without exploding, say what you saw.
After they are calm, not during, you can ask what else they might do next time. Show them your own pause. I am worried about the traffic, I am taking a breath.
A few key signs for angry or hungry help a child who does not have the words yet.
In the storm, age matters, and for a toddler the move is time-in. Safe first. Shift them if the place is dangerous, and make sure any other child is safe.
Then a low, slow voice that names the feeling. Stay. Hold if they want holding.
Space if they do not. Do not explain, bargain or threaten while they are gone. You will talk to a wall and get angrier.
When it is over, then the short debrief.
You cannot control the emotion directly. You can keep them safe and teach the next hour. If you feel you might hurt them, or you cannot cope, put them in a safe place, breathe, and get a person.
Family, a friend, a parenting line, Lifeline on 131 114. Never shake, hit, or tear into them with words. The supermarket can think what it likes.
Source: Raising Children Network