Pregnancy

When she tells you

You do not have to feel one clean thing. If you are waiting on a scan before you celebrate, say that, or she will hear your quiet as a no.

The stress you think she cannot see

If money, work or the sheer amount to learn is sitting on your chest, say the actual thing. A drink or a cigarette as the pressure valve makes the next argument worse, not smaller.

When flat lasts past a fortnight

Feeling flat, down or snappy in pregnancy is common for fathers. If it lasts more than two weeks and it is wrecking ordinary days, that can be antenatal depression, and the first call is your GP.

Go to the appointments

The first move after a positive test is a GP visit, not a cot. Write her questions down between visits or they vanish in the waiting room.

The scans, and the bloods

Expect at least two routine ultrasounds, around 11 to 13 weeks and again around 18 to 20. You do not have to pretend a result is nothing if the room goes quiet.

When food will not stay down

Morning sickness is not only mornings, and it is common. If she cannot keep food or fluid down, or there is blood in the vomit, she needs a midwife or doctor now, not a cracker strategy.

If the kicks change

From 24 weeks, a quiet baby for a few hours while she is awake is a phone call, not a wait until morning. Movements do not politely stop because labour is near.

If the pregnancy is uncomplicated, the target on the page is at least two and a half hours of moderate movement a week. You can take the long way with her, and you do not sign her up for a contact sport.

No safe round

If you are trying, or she is pregnant, the safest line is no alcohol for her. There is no safe level in pregnancy, and some drinks labelled zero still have a little in them, so read the label.

Smoke and vape, including yours

If you smoke or vape, the baby still gets it from what you breathe out and from what sits on your clothes. Quitline is 137 848, and until you stop, do it outside, never in the car, and wash up after.

The trolley is your job

You can still buy the food she is not allergic to, including peanuts and eggs. The traps are chilled ready-to-eat food, soft cheese, raw egg, undercooked meat, and fish like swordfish, flake and marlin.

When you do not wait

Less movement, a blow to her belly, heavy pain, bleeding, a headache that will not quit, sudden swelling or blurred vision means you call the midwife, doctor or hospital now. healthdirect is 1800 022 222, and if it is an emergency, call 000.

Book the class before it fills

Antenatal classes are for you as well, not a women-only club you drop her at. Go, ask the dumb question, and book early because the useful ones fill.

Your half of the bag

Pack around 32 weeks, not when the contractions are already timing themselves. Your bits are snacks, clothes, a charger, petrol, the night entrance, and a rear-facing car seat for the trip home.

What she wants from you in the room

Ask now whether she wants encouragement, silence, a hand, or a count of breaths. If a midwife suggests something unplanned and it is not an emergency, you ask for a moment so she can consent.

Say the jobs out loud

Before the baby, agree who does baths, nights, cooking and bills, and what going back to work means. If you are arguing more, dodging the talk, or feeling cut off, get help while you can still finish a sentence.

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When she tells you

She tells you she is pregnant. You might not know what you feel straight away.

The stress you think she cannot see

You can look fine at work and still be grinding your teeth in the car. Pregnancy does that. The changes do not queue.

When flat lasts past a fortnight

A bad day is a bad day. Two weeks of bad days, where work, sleep and her all feel out of reach, is something else.

Go to the appointments

A positive test is not a shopping list. The first useful move is a GP appointment. Raising Children is clear.

The scans, and the bloods

Two scans is the ordinary shape of it. One in the first trimester, at 11 to 13 weeks. One in the second, at 18 to 20 weeks.

When food will not stay down

She is sick at 6pm and someone still calls it morning sickness. Ignore the name. Nausea, dry retching and vomiting can hit any hour.

If the kicks change

You will hear men say the baby went quiet and they gave it until morning. Do not be that plan.

Her walk, not a boot camp

She does not need a program with your name on the clipboard. She needs the walk to actually happen, and she needs you not to turn it into a test.

No safe round

The round is the hard part, not the science. Someone will say a sip is fine. The Raising Children picture guide does not say that.

Smoke and vape, including yours

Your cigarette on the back step is not a private hobby once she is pregnant. Raising Children talks to the partner, not only to the woman.

The trolley is your job

The pregnancy diet becomes real at the supermarket, which is a place you can actually control. Raising Children's picture guide is a shopping list, not a personality.

When you do not wait

You are allowed to be the annoying one who calls. That is the job on a bad afternoon.

Book the class before it fills

You can read all week and still walk into a birth room unsure what you are for. A class is where that gets smaller.

Your half of the bag

Thirty-two weeks is the packing week, not the week she tells you it might be time. Raising Children says consider the bag packed by then, in case labour is early.

What she wants from you in the room

Do not improvise your personality on the day. Ask her, while you can still hear each other, what help looks like.

Say the jobs out loud

The baby will not arrive and discover that you have already agreed who does the 2am nappy. You have to say it while she can still sleep.

04Near the birth

Birth

Labour signs, pain relief, who stays, caesarean, first hours.

Toolkits

When you actually leave

Call for contractions that last a minute or more, come regularly, and are getting stronger and closer. If it might be labour before 37 weeks, or the waters go, call even if contractions have not started.

Pain relief, said in advance

Ask in pregnancy, not between contractions, what this hospital actually offers. Breathing, heat, massage, water, movement and a TENS machine sit next to gas, morphine and an epidural, and birth centre lists are shorter.

Who is allowed in the room

Continuous, calm support helps labour along and makes interventions less likely, while a crowd can slow it. Ask how many people the room allows, because two is often the comfortable maximum, and your food is your problem.

If it becomes a caesarean

The cut is about 10 cm, and once the anaesthetic is working she may feel tugging, not pain. You can usually stay for a spinal or epidural, you ask if she cannot, and skin to skin can still happen, including on you.

Planned or unplanned

A planned caesarean can be for a medical reason, a sign that vaginal birth looks risky, or a personal choice. An unplanned one is for a problem in labour, and neither needs your hot take in the corridor.

The first hour is not for visitors

If she and the baby are well, skin to skin with her in that first hour helps warmth, heart rate, breathing, blood sugar, protective bacteria, bonding and feeding. Your hand on the baby is enough, so tell the family to wait.

Blogs

When you actually leave

The due date is a rumour. Very few babies turn up on it.

Pain relief, said in advance

Pain in labour is normal. That sentence does not mean she should hero it, and it does not mean you arrive with one correct method. It varies.

Who is allowed in the room

Everyone wants to be there for the beautiful part. Labour is not a party, and the wrong headcount can slow it down.

If it becomes a caesarean

A caesarean is an operation. Call it a caesar if you want.

Planned or unplanned

There are two clocks, and men mix them up.

The first hour is not for visitors

The hour after birth is busy, and everyone you know will want a piece of it. Your job is to spend it on the baby and on her, not on the phone.